It happened after checking in a suspicious looking man, who just sat in the lobby, instead of going to his room.
The man kept looking around, and before I could see why, I heard a snap and suddenly, the lights went out.
People began panicking and running around. The lights came on, and people stared at the ground, mumbling things. At first I thought it was shock or something, but then I realized that they were robbed.
I scanned the chaos, spotted the suspicious looking man running outside. I sprinted after him, until he ran into an alley. I ran in, but found it empty, I heard a noise, turned around, and found myself trapped with the suspicious man...
your story was really interesting but, I think there should be a comma after the word"first" in the third paragraph. GOOD LUCK!!:)
ReplyDeleteHello Aunna,
ReplyDeleteOne of the best deterrants against crime is the alertness of people. The person in your story noticed something unusual about a man. He looked and acted suspiciously. This helped when, after the lights came back on, your character identified the possible criminal and gave chase although chasing him into a dark alley might not be the best idea for someone. Well done.
Your story is well set out and leaves us with an unanswered question, what happened in the alley? Leaving people "hanging" can be a good writing tool in drawing a reader's imagination into a story. Again, well done.
I see 100wcwlza has suggested a comma after "first" in the third paragraph. That would be the normal form when adding a phrase in a sentence but it is a relatively minor error in punctuation.
I hope you can continue entering the 100WC. I think you must have many more good ideas and stories to share in the future.
Ross Mannell (Team 100WC)
Teacher (retired), N.S.W., Australia
it is cool what happened to the man?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
ReplyDelete